i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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