I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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