It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
