I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
