This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
