I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
