I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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