my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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