Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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