dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
