New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
