I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
