you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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