Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
