Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize