My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
