why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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