dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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