I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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