I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize