Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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