All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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