Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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