So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
