the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
