If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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