So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
