No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
