omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
