Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
