Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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