dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
