sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize