someone threw a dead crab at me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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