all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
