go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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