Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
