Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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