my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
