If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize