i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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