I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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