id be glad to
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
