She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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