He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
