I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I came so hard my ears popped.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
