Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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