Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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