you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
