sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
