shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
