you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
