thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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