we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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