Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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