I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize