Where did you get a picture of my penis
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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