If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
