Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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