She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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