and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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