The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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