you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
