Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
