He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
