Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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