I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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