im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize