it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
