so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
