Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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