At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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