I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
