you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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