I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
