Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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