I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am puke
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize