I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
