I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
