I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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