why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
