he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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